The hopeless yet hopeful blogger~

So here I am after the crappiest week I've had....

     I blog to you as a pitiful specimen that should be smeared across a laboratory slide.  My lungs filled, my windpipe literally swollen, ribs cracked and sad thing is that's not all.  Pneumonia & bronchitis have played a game of tag through my airways....I've yet to find out who's winning but I sure as hell can tell you who's losing.  Woe is me...

     Medication is swimming through my veins.  Instead of attempting some Michael Phelps smooth as glass strides they have been flopping and flailing like aunt Beatrice attempting to back into the black tube outta some old guys 87' Buick Skylark.  A little cooperation here!  Not only do the meds make me sick but the devil drug prednisone has had homicidal thoughts replaying in my head over and over-did I mention over?

    To soothe myself and not willing to risk addiction again I walk as far from the pacifier as I can and straight to my love.  Yep, my beautiful Extended Length Expedition.  I'd say Mizz Ford and I need some bonding time.  LAWRDY she starts like a dream.  It's eight at night, foggy and cool.  Hollywood couldn't have set a better scene to my mood.  Wait!  The true test...please tell me there's decent tunes on.  No pop.  No rock.  My attitude is less Gaga and more Strait.  Less Britney more Reba.  Less Perry & more Jennings. Less-nevermind if you don't have it by now you're not going to.  I was pleasantly surprised to push the button and to hear the man in black crooning about not taking guns to town.  Ahhh...crank that medicinal ear worm up and drive on.

     I'm cruising past the cornfields but the fog is thickening and I'll I can think of denting my poor baby on some big buck crossing the clouded road. Ha!  Forget this back to town I go.  My whopping town has taken out our only stoplight and replaced it with not a four way stop but only a two way stop.  The town is so small we actually digress instead of progress. (Jealous?).  I'm waiting patiently (I've got nowhere to go) so I wait as 18 wheeler after 18 wheeler go by.(harvest time in the cornstalks). I'm waiting at the octagon-wait, hexagon?  Whatever!  I wait at the stop sign completely lost in Miranda belting out about being the fast girl in town and the thought makes me smile because its rather fitting when I'm behind the wheel.  But just like in the movies when all is looking to good-BAM!

     Yup, a grampa decides his Buick would be best hooked onto my trailer hitch.  Good thing about the lesser gas mileage is the bigger truck.  Not a scuff of the Ford but gramps Buick now has a hole and crack through its purdy lil' grill.

     So, what's this have to do with writing?  Hell if I know.  I forgot what the question is.  Oh-my lack of ability to focus right now.  Yeah, that.  It's completely gone.  I write...pumped, ready to tackle this word count and I mean I start strong but shortly find myself staring off into space.  Focus? (ford makes those to, right?) Anyways, focus gone....

     BUT with every cloud there's a silver lining, right?  Good news?  The other night I checked my sales rank on amazon to see where we were sitting.  I had a brief moment of shock followed by amazement.  All 3 books were 36,000 or under!!! What a feeling to think I have 3 out there striving and possibly thriving.!!  

     I'm amazed by the insane readers contacting me and I fear I'm not worthy.  I truly adore them but what if the next book sucks?  What if I don't make my deadline?  Having great readers who have become some of my closest friends online now leashes me to the worry my next maybe not enough.  Now the pressures on and I can only cross fingers and hope I don't disappoint.

Sidda

I hang my head in shame as I come before you today....

The headline of this blog is sad but true.  I have yet to master this thing called...life(amount other things).  It has been far to long between my random thoughts and rants.  At least can I use the excuse that I've been a busy bee?   Oh, what a difference it would've been to be born-hatched?  Queen.  No such luck here.  I'm nothing but a worker.

     First lets chat about my latest...the first novella has been out for 5 weeks and d*mn if its not doing amazingly well.  It makes me as mad as it does happy.  I was told by many authors that a "flesh" cover would be so much better for my novel but me being the stubborn girl I am (part German) refused to change my cover and still do.  However, I had decided the CROOKED E RANCH novella series would be nothing but flesh.  Black and white-yet, flesh.  Chest, abs<~~the kind that personally frighten me.  Gorgeous shoulders and stunning backs.  Even the occasional beefy backside might grace the novella covers.  Well, these authors weren't just kinda right-they were dead on.  ~Sweet as Candy~ is still thriving five weeks later.  It's not top 100 or anything-I never thought it would be but it's selling decent numbers and getting great reviews.  Here I was afraid to even release it.  Not that it's a masterpiece.  Far from but I've yet to write a masterpiece and I just may never do so.  I'm not looking to.  I'm writing what I like and what I happen to think I'm decent at.

     Second in my DIRTY DENIM SERIES has also been released.  This sadly brings me back to the flesh topic.  My photographer and I did a session with the most beautiful and cooperative beauty yet.  A gorgeous Harley Davidson Fatboy.  It didn't b*tch, didn't have ideas of its own.  Nope, it stood there gleaming in the sun in all its chromed and leather glory.  I knew the photo for the cover the first second I saw it.  We proudly make the cover for ~Steel Horse Cowboy~ and I'm flying high.  My story is done, my cover gorgeous, my blurb...well, blurb was done.  Did I mention I hate blurbs?  Anyways...I'm so excited to share my cover with the world and even though its wrong I'm more excited about my cover than I am about the story.  I release and it does...okay-far from impressive.  Actually, severely lacking from impressive.  My assistant and I are the only ones in love with the cover.  D*mmit!  Yes, I write erotic romance but no, I don't care for flesh covers.  Truth?  This bike gets me revved up far more then any half naked man in print could do.  But once again, I'm not your normal girl.  

     So what to do?  I wait.  I wait a couple weeks before I cave.  I cave in.  I'm soon on stock photo sites searching frantically for FLESH.  Ever the stubborn girl I'm only willing to compromise my cover so much.  I'm in mad, crazy love with the Harley cover BUT I need flesh to kick this book in the keister!  I find a man, a photo that resembles Scotty<~ my main man in ~Steel Horse Cowboy~.  Even then I decide I'm not pulling my bike!  I'm in love.  So...Scotty gets layered in.  He is brought onto the cover but he's off to the side so I can see my real panty dropper...the bike.  He's also faded so I can see the bike clearly.  Priorities,priorities.  I caved and added flesh but d*mn if I'll lose my bike. 

    Truth time.  We put the new cover out and without promoting I let that bird fly.  And d*mn if it didn't begin to soar!  My sales rank number shocked me.  My books were selling insanely better than they were just a few days before.  D*mn power of a half naked man!  So, once again I was told the right information from several romance authors.  Whether I like it or agree with it or not.  I just have to accept I'm in the genre I'm in and readers like what they like.  However I will still have artistic covers but I will have flesh added.  My novels will display more than a gorgeous body.  Just because...because that's how I want it and d*mn if they're not my books.

     My books!  My books!  My books!  Yes, I'm totally stomping my foot with my to large bottom lip out.  I have a control issue thing when it comes to my books.  I want what I want and they are my works so why can't I have it my way?  Why?  Because if I want a publishing deal I have to be able to hand over at least some of that control.  Yes, this is probably why I've just turned down publishing offer eight.  Yes, eight.  Not huge publishing houses but some that just six months ago I may have fainted if they would have called me up.  But now?  Not so much.  My books are doing okay.  Not insanely well but not poorly either.  I'm quite content.  Of course I want more readers but I feel I can reach them on my own without giving up my control.  A publishing house isn't really going to promote me anyways.  So far the numbers I've received haven't been worth it.  But weekly a fellow author is announcing they have signed a pub deal.  One book, two book, three even five book contracts.  Which by the way I was told by Mizz Sylvia Day & Mizz Tara Lain themselves never do such a high book count deal.  Anyways, I wonder what kinda deals are these fellow authors signing?  I worry they are signing just for the sake of signing.  I hope they are getting sensational deals, truly but when I hear a friend sign with a publisher that has been trying to work a deal with me for weeks, I wonder.  I'm completely open to a deal but so far nobody has offered something I'm comfortable with.  If they can do it I think why can't I do it for myself, right?  Please tell me you agree!

     Finally, let me fill you in on my plans thus far for the next year.  I'm hoping to attend at least three conventions and I'm so excited I could pee!  Yes, you read that correctly.  I apologize not (how do you like that grammar? Ha).  I'm itchin' to meet up with some amazing girlies I met at RT just months ago.  I have the second novella -Pure as Honey- coming out next week.  And I'm straight up crazy but I'm aiming to release another Thanksgiving week.  Some very amazing authors have talked me into a "Christmas" novella.  Swearing I won't regret it.  I'm still unsure of this but I trust these no named authors completely.  So, I shall do as they say.  At least attempt to.  Then it's onto the third novel in the DIRT DENIM SERIES.  It already has a name thanks to the friends and family who answered a late night text voting between two titles.  ~Roping Him In~ will be out sometime this winter.  I'm astonished by the following the DIRTY DENIM SERIES is getting and the names my name has been placed with.  

     So, I fully admit to sucking at this blog thang but I never claimed any different have I?  I'd promise to blog more but I don't lie.  But I will say I'll be back-just don't hold your breath.

Loves,

Sidda